Down Under

‘This country’s shit.’ The girl from Down Under said as she and her two friends stumbled into the carriage. They collapsed in a jumble of arms and legs before promptly and consciously putting all six feet on the seat in front.

‘I’ve been here three years now and it’s so fucking dull.’ She bellowed, forgetting that she wasn’t in the empty wilderness of Western Australia, where presumably shouting is the only way to communicate between Outback farms.

‘It’s boring as shit. There’s nothing to do and the weather’s crap. It’s never sunny and it fucking rains all the time. It’s fucking shit.

‘And the people! My god, the people are boring. They don’t ever do anything. And they don’t know how to have a fucking good time.’ She continued. ‘They’re all boring fucking wankers.’ She was really getting into her stride and making friends all over the place.

We ‘boring fucking wankers’ on the train around her stayed mute, quietly wondering if she might dispense with sentences altogether and simply string together profanities in ever more complex combinations. But she surprised us.

‘Look, I’ll prove it. Does anyone want a shag? Does anyone want to shag me?’ she invited her hapless audience.

‘Come on, does anyone want a shag? A free shag.’ she repeated in case anyone had missed her the first time.

A queue immediately failed to materialise.

‘See?’ she turned to her companions as though vindicated and apparently delighted that no-one on the entire train wanted anything to do with her.

‘I don’t know why I stay in the fucking awful country’

Some of us were wondering exactly the same thing.

Comments

[Rob]

What train is it you take again?

[Incurable Insomniac]

And I thought only we Americans bred this type of self-centered arrogance.

How appalling!

[Carlton]

It's always the wrong train, Rob!

And I'm afraid that no one nation can claim arrogance, Insomniac, although these three were really trying to tip the balance!

c.

[Pirate 2 b]

I expect no one wanted to shag her because of her fucking awful whining voice!! Was she cute?

[LondonGirl]

There are way too many aussies who say things like that. If home's so fffing marvellous, why don't they fff of back there eh?

[Carlton]

No, I'm afraid one couldn't describe her as cute, Pirate. Many things but not cute.

Well said, LondonGirl. One up side - everywhere else is slightly quieter which makes holidays so much more relaxing!

c