Breathless

There is a change. The slowness of her breathing slows still further. She slips further into sleep. Deep, deep sleep. I fetch her family from their various retreats.

“I think you should come now.”

They follow me without question and take up their station around their sleeping sister, their dreaming mother. All is silent except her failing breath. No sound exists but her sighing, the ward is mute, the wind stops whistling outside. We simply watch and listen.

The only nurse I can find is very young.

“Can you come to my mother-in-law?”
‘The dreaded mother-in-law, eh?’ she quips. She’s immediately mortified by her clumsiness. She leaves silently to find Sister although it’s not immediately obvious why: there is no cure here.

She returns moments later. She does not meet our eyes.

‘The Sister will come along in a little while, but there’s nothing more we can do, I’m afraid. I’m so sorry. This is your time together.’

No-one comments, it is not clear we’ve even heard. We return our gaze to the frail woman in the bed beside us. She has lost so much weight in the last week and aged many years in that time too. But she is calm, just slumbering really. In her best nightie and freshly brushed hair.

We hang on every heave of her chest. I know that all the will in the world will not change this course but still every fibre aches for a different outcome, for her to keep going. The desire intensifies as movement lessens.

Slowly she runs out of steam. Enough here. Time to go.

Her son, a big, tough, proud man, begs her to breathe again. She doesn’t hear him. Even with all his strength he cannot hold on to her. He cries out in anger. But she slips away, peacefully and untroubled.

Her brothers flee. Too choked for goodbyes either to her or us. They wave feebly, the other hand across their mouths, heads bowed.

Only we children remain.

Comments

[Rob]

Sorry about your loss Carlton.

[Mrs RW]

Carlton, my sincere condolences on the loss of M-I-L. Please convey my deepest sympathy to Tracy, too. It's so hard to lose your mother...I'm with you all in spirit since I can't be there to condole in person.

[LondonGirl]

You just made me cry... a beautiful account of a very sad moment.

Condoleances seems like a lame word - I'm so sorry. And I hope T is ok.

[Carlton]

Thank you all. It's been a bit of a miserable time.

c.