So, today’s The Day. The reason for the trip - The Wedding.
I’m reunited with family members I haven’t seen for more than twenty years. They are instantly recognisable. I hope I’m not. I hope I’ve changed. I’ve certainly gained height, weight and responsibilities. I’ve lost hair and some paralysing self-consciousness in exchange. I’m much happier here now than there then.
I had a role today. A small part in the proceedings. I was a Groomsman. Initially I was worried that it had something to do with horses. Thankfully, it was entirely ceremonial and had no function whatsoever. And there wasn’t a pony in sight. As far as I could tell all I had to do was wear a woollen three piece suite in sweltering temperatures and walk down the aisle with one of the bridesmaids. It didn’t sound too hard: I can sweat as well as the next man and I can’t imagine struggling to promenade with an Amazonian Beauty on my arm. I hadn’t met any of other attendants before today but as I scanned the girls wearing turquoise, my spirits rose. They were gorgeous. Glowing in the way that only lithe nineteen year olds can. I rubbed my hands. I also rubbed my shin - a sharp kick suggested that T wasn’t overly impressed by my obvious glee.
Still, I wasn’t prepared to spoil the day for the Bride and Groom, so I selflessly concentrated on looking as comfortable and happy as possible to be surrounded by such delightful and charming company. I was prepared to make sacrifices to ensure that these delicious girls felt completely relaxed and in good spirits. That just the kind of guy I am: it’s all give, give, give. I was, however, developing quite a limp from the ongoing booting. But, in spite of the distractions, I struggled on bravely.
I hobbled over to the groom.
“So,” I asked a little too eagerly, “which one’s mine?”
‘Ah, she’s not here yet’ he replied apologetically.
“Saving the best ‘til last, eh?”
‘Yes, something like that.’
“You didn’t want her overwhelmed by her dashing companion for the day, eh?”
‘Erm, overwhelmed, yes. Something like that’
“She’s only human.” I offered “Confronted with a fine figure of man like me, you’ve got to expect a little wobble. Don’t worry - I know just how to handle the situation.”
I wiped my sweaty bald head and placed a wet hand warmly on his shoulder.
“You can trust me.”
He said something a little too quietly for me to catch and then:
‘Look, I need to finish off a couple of things. You’ll be okay won’t you?’
“Of course. Don’t worry about me. Just one thing: how will I recognise her?”
He started moving away as he spoke.
‘She’s a lovely girl. She’s a cousin, you see. You won’t have any problem picking her out. She’s quite tall. And, erm, she’s just left a religious cult.’
“I’m sorry. What?”
He’d gone.
What could he mean?
Then I knew.
Across the venue I saw human giraffe curl under one of the ceremonial arches. Once inside, like ET, she extended her not inconsiderable neck to view the crowd - a completely unnecessary act given she was already some two foot taller then anyone else in the party. She was completely bald. I couldn’t see any ritualistic markings but there was definitely no hair to hide them under. She swung her shaven head from side to side scanning the crowd like an enormous plucked chicken. There was a wild look in her eye. She was looking for me. I felt the strength ebb from my knees.
I looked round for somewhere to hide. I turned right into T. She was blocking my path. And smiling.
Carlton, sometimes I think that if you didn't have bad luck, you'd have no luck at all! Thankfully, I'll bet no one was looking at YOUR head...
Posted by: Mrs RW | Friday, 06 April 2007 at 01:05 AM
You're not the first to say that, Mrs RW. Still, being damned with 'interesting times' isn't such a bad thing - life isn't dull and it gives me something to ramble on about! c.
Posted by: Carlton | Wednesday, 11 April 2007 at 07:43 PM