Draining

I hadn’t done this for ages.  Years in fact.  So I was pleased to find myself with a rolled up sleeve this morning.  I was quite excited.  I was in for a bit of shock. 
“Just a few standard questions,” the nurse started.  I understand the need for thoroughness but by the end of the list, I felt as naive as Queen Victoria.
“Have you ever been here, there and everywhere in the last six months?”
‘Nope.’
“Have you done this, that or the other?”
‘No, although I have a friend who lived next to a tattoo parlour for a while’
“That’s okay, I don’t think that counts.”
“Now, sex.”  She said casually.
I’d heard rumours about the licentiousness of the medical profession and my old family doctor’s examination technique had left me a little wary but I was still taken aback by this young girl’s forthrightness.  Maybe this was in the small print of the Patients’ Charter.
“Can I talk to you about x, y and z”
You dirty, dirty, girl, I thought.
“Have you ever...”
‘No’ I said, giggling slightly and starting to blush.
“Or...”
Does her mother know she talks like this, I wondered.  I looked around to see if anyone else could hear her.
‘No. Thank you.  That’s a very generous, and imaginative, offer but I’m a happily married man and old enough to be, well, frankly, too old.’
She wrote something on her form but upside down I could only make out the first three letters J...E...R...
“What about men?” she continued.
‘I’m sorry?  What?’
She started a list that made me wince.  It sounded like the timetable from one of the more progressive public schools.
‘Surely that’s not physically possible’ I spluttered.
She drew me a diagram.  It did seem plausible but I remained doubtful.
‘What?  Willingly?’
She nodded, looking tired.
After a further couple of chapters written by the Marquis du Sade during his most creative period, the nurse ticked her final box.
‘Can I give blood now?’  I pleaded.  I felt quite drained.  And straight-laced.
It wasn’t so much the donation that seemed important any more, it was the nice reassuring cup of tea at the other end.

Comments

[LondonGirl]

That sounds like what could be described as a complete investigation. Still, it sounds like you learnt a few things. I'm still trying to work out that diagram one...

[The Boy Who Likes To]

Did you keep the diagram?

[Carlton]

The diagram made more sense when I folded it in half.

But I know great art/ offensive porn when I see it. Sold it on ebay.

c