Man, That's Sick

I’ve spent months trying to penetrate the close knit skydiving fraternity.  You’d think it’d be easy, what with the shared recklessness of throwing oneself at the ground from high altitude and all.  But, no.  It’d be easier to insert an fully grown oak tree into a pair of stockings.  It’s not just that it’s all a bit cliquey, it doesn’t help that I’m a little too old, a little too incompetent and too rarely at the airfield.  I’m also way not cool enough for these ‘Diver Dudes.  My clumsy attempts at being friendly just make me appear desperate - never an attractive look.  Let me tell you, you just can’t coax a terrified Blind Date out of a toilet cubicle by being enthusiastic.  Even if you’re really, really, enthusiastic.  It gets even harder after a Restraining Order. 

However, today I made a little progress.  I’d managed to wring a conversation out of a guy buying coffee, one thing led to another and it wasn’t long before we’d agreed to jump together.  Now, before you start thinking that I’ve stumbled onto the set of a gay porno, let me just remind you that these are guys who regularly slip into tight-fitting jumpsuits, carry oversized coloured silk handkerchiefs, are transported to what some might say are unnatural highs with other men and then fall out with them.  You don’t get more macho than that. 

Anyway, despite the fact that we’d left the plane at 13,000 feet with me clinging on to him like a limpet and spent 8,000 feet (that’s 40 seconds to you and me) failing to make any other contact, we survived to tell the tale.  And we joked about chasing each other around the sky - in a perfectly normal and manly way, of course.  In fact, it was all fine until I started to leave.  “Yo! Man, what that on your trousers?”  ‘That?  That’s dried baby sick.’  And the bubble burst and it was all over.  I wasn’t cool.  I was a dad covered in vomit.

Comments

[Mrs RW]

Just remember what a great idea you thought this was when S tells you she's going to do it...

[The Boy Who Likes To]

40 seconds? Thats not long at all. Some reason I always thought it would of been a bit longer. Not like minutes. Just longer.
Although it would be one of those times you wouldnt want to lose count :D

[RW]

Our eldest daughter came home one day and surprised us by showing us a tape of her first jump without us knowing what we were about to see.

This is a background to my wife's comment above...

Gah!

[Lara]

Hi Carlton! I stumbled on your post today - a bit late - but I really hope you don't give up on breaking into the skydiving "clique"! I jump here in the States, but want to wish you the best. Stick with it - we're all a bit socially retarded and social misfits, that's what brings us together :) Blue Skies!

[Lara]

And oh shit, I've just read your more recent posts. I'm so sorry for your loss. See, skydivers really are socially awkward, even online.